Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
