Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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