I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We have started to decorate penises.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
