You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
