I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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