I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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