I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
