Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
