you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
