Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
