Got a toothbrush?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
