I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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