I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
