She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
