I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
