I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
