How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
