using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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