Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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