And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
