yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
