I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
