Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
