I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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