You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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