Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
