im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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