So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
