Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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