I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
