guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
