Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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