so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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