Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
