Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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