I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
