I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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