My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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