I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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