I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
