I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
