You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My friends, they love my intelligence
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
