She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
