my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
