Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
