i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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