I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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