I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
