There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
