arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
