margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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