My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
