Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
