Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
