Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
