TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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