I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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