Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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